My message

hi..

within this ice surrounding me a glowing ember burns for you, a part of me aches just calls your name it years for you and my mind goes in endless rounds and i stay still in my place riding the horse of memories and running back to where we were.. just us. together

how amazing every time when all my world tumbled down just your smile , your voice , your presence was enough to make my moment my day my life..

i regret every second i didnt think twice of letting go and leaving you alone, i refret every second i cant be with you, every second now that passes by and i dont know how i can get back to you
you know every night now when i sleep you are with me and i wake up and hardly believe that u was dreaming..
i remember ourdreams of growing together and sharing every moment.. everything i see i think of you and every place i go i crave the lines inside my heart thats where you are.

How come theres no more you and me .. how come i miss you and cant hold you so close to me..
you are not my best friend anymore, you are a part of me. I LOVE YOU

Reaching out for the impossible.

crying out in public,
what made me reach that far? what was before in my arms, now is way too far, what is it that i want? now i have reached the impossible, it feels bad.
im sitting in the darkness, i used to hate it, now i dont wanna see the lights anymore, it feels like home, its obvious to me now that i was looking for a place for me in the light, while i was always sitting in the darkness, the darkness of my heart.. alone there. its the only place that embraces me, keeps me warm and away from harm. i stay with my twisted-self. i sit with you. i talk to you,
i hear your echos no more. where has ur voice gone.. i have this recorder, i play it over and over

your voice, is the key to my soul, i fell in love with your voice soothed me, melted iced tears i shed dry within me. your voice awaken me, shock me from inside out, i heard nothing but screaming and then you sspoke. the most beautiful song, i never knew melodies before, i knew yelling.. i knew loud voices deafen me, you tenderly sang and it went down to my soul, made me a human being.

reaching out for you. calling your name, echos dont reach you. im reaching out for the impossible, your presence, im reaching out for the impossible, peace of mind, love , im reaching out for the more radiculas,like santa! Home..
im reaching out for life, breathe, im so suffocated. im reached out for humanity.
im reaching out for meanings. im reaching out for feelings.
i need you, i want you.. where are you.
im dead again, like before i met you
i am dead again without you in my life.
Radwa.
i am reaching out for you...how impossible can it be.?!!!

Beacause...

...now i know the answer to the "why". now i know the wonder in ur eyes
now i understand the silent replies
now i know the reason u said goodbye
now i put codes togther
reading between the lines
secret mesages u perfectly hide
now its clear what u didnt say
now i can sleep at night
without the sound of ur voice
winding all the guilty words
u said to me all those times
now its free to dream
without ur eyes huanting me blind
for i now i vividly see everythng
everything u refused to show me
the locked steal machine u have inside
now i see behind its "closed" sign
now i know u did what u didnt supose
now i know why u chose whAT U CHOSE
WHY ITS WASNT ME
AND WHY IT WILL NEVER BE
AND WHY U HAD TO LET ME GO..
and ies all just.."because"
now it make sense how u made believe of all the lies

Extra Ordinary Birthday!

In a day like today some years ago, not that few amount yet not that much too... what happened by then.. there was some young lady, a lady in love giving birth to her most precious jewel of all...her first apple of the eye.. How happy she was and how happy she really is to see this beautiful angel growing up everyday. growing up to be some wonderful soul, a lady as the word means.. a thoughtful, loving, caring, tender princess.
Some few days ahead that day another lady gave birth to some child too... That child never knew that it's distend for her to write those words now.. But do you believe in destiny??
Actually I do, yet I never underestimate one's free will... it's distend for me to do what I will chose.. that's it for me.
But still I don't know if it was my choice to meet you my wonderful princess. To find in you that eternal mate, to learn by your help what friendship and true love means.
Maybe my words seems familiar to you cuz I've said them to you many times before.. But this time they are different Cuz maybe it's the last birthday that we're gonna celebrate it together.. and don't say that we were not together, cuz we were... I just don't like farewell events... and for me it was kinda that.
I don't feel bad though.. and don't ask me why... something inside me keeps telling that it's a beginning not an end, But a beginning for something that never really ended... my words sound like nonsense at times. But who else my angel takes all my nonsense.
But on a day like today you should have all the gifts in the word instead of some girl's nonsense ..hehe
My gifts to you will be a star, a tree, and a wish…
A star so far in the sky yet so close and dear to my eyes. it's shining so bright, guiding and leading me wherever I go.. and I'm giving it to you ..it's yours.
A tree to make you feel home wherever you may go.. that tree will remain yours…my gift to you..
A wish of eternal happiness in the whole new world my princess.
May all the daydreamers' dreams come true… Never stop dreaming it's your true power.. and it's your wise plans for a better future, for your own self made new world. "Happy Birthday my dearest of all"

Heaven sent..

theres nothing greater than love, especially the love supreme, remember when we used to listen to that song, "love supreme" and we were discussing the issue of that kind of love and wondering if it exsits at all, and like usual, out of the blues the answer popped in our minds the very same time.

ALLAH, the love of him, is the love supreme, he is the love, and we get those noble feelings we have from him, and all we are to do in this life is to aknowledge this love and try to return a very slight of slightest bit of this love to him.

No matter how much we try to count Allah's belssing, they are so uncountable. Try even to think about one blessing, just one and see how it effects your life in so many ways, it doesnt have to be even a majoy one like "sight" or "health" or any of sorts.
get to the point? okay, do you remember when we first met, do you remember how special we felt for eachother and how we knew we are not like anyother friends?, we knew that finding eachother is one of Alla's great blessings, do you remember when you always prayed that we be in heaven together, and that Allah gather us in judgment day, and in have his mercy on us, for the sake of that love we have for oneanother in this life.. we always prayed that we be together in paradise, and imagined how great it will be, we couldnt even imagine it , but we were like knowing its beyond imagination.. i always feel so happy remebering this, as we always do say and pray to Allah to unit us and
the ones we love in one place in his paradise.

Ramadan.. this is a very special one, and u know why, becasue its my last Ramadan between you all people, the one i love and always will, and i feel so happy not for its my last but i feel its the begnning, as in Ramadan Allah anwer our prayers, i will make this year our prayer is my special prayer that i will ask Allah to make come true anytime i pray and everytime i pray, and i wish for you to do same, and anyone who sees this post please pray with me, that Allah may never separate us, in this life, and May he have mecry on us and in paradise forever and ever with the ones we love, with you and me, and everyone we know, May Allah forgive us, and gather us, by his love and for his love, and hope he can give us the strength to give love and care to those who need it and give us the sterngnth to worship him as we should and even more.
i have trust in Allah, and as i pray i know there will be away for us to be together, if not in this life, then in paradise, which is best.. Insha'allah.

las castañuelas...2030

WHERE WILL WE BE 24 YEARS FROM NOW?

Red.. is the color of PASSION.
was is it really the color of passion when it came to us, well No, it took like a whole diffirent ballet full of colors.. depending our mood? maybe depending on our taste.

Now we can say this is the color of our passion, brown, brown is coffee, brown is chocolate, brown is caramel sauce, brown is, wood, the touch of elegance and comfort.
Music is passion & brown is the color many of the musical instrumnets, most of the instroments that has a touching melody, as they are wodden or wood is the substance , the body the magical tube that makes the air go thrugh it producing magical sounds, like Guitar, Cello, Violen, Naye, flute and much more..

this is not about passion, Its about Us, YOU, and I, who are you, Blues, and i, Daydreamer, no no, its about us, me rose, and you blue, our favourit colors, our everything ROSYBLUES. US 24 years from now.

spanish is our passion, and was one of our biggest dreams that we made come true. learning spanish, on a day of the hot Agust, of 2005 i gave u an envelop, and hit in your nag while u were not watching, i always liked to surprise you.. i wrote a note inside, saying that, after 25 years from now, we wil remind oursleves with that day, and wonder how was it like in the past 25 years..
inside the envelop was one castanet, castanet is that woden peice that make that amazing sound that flaenco dancer clicks with her hands, its a pair to hold them in your two hands, i gave you one, and i took one, as a simple yet great symbol of sharing maybe, connection maybe, two separet hands, in one soul, making the most nice sounds, the sound of our hearts.. beating together.

maybe it sounded silly, like those teenage stuff, But, who cared, did we ever care who will say what, or who will do what?.. it only matterd that the to of us there.
and i didnt want to bring this issue, but we'r going seperate ways, a year passed and everything is totally different, me in the farest part of the planet and you on the other side.
No boundries for soul affection.. remember, i have a strong faith, and i believe, we wont be separate, though it breaks my heart to leave, i dont know even how i'll do it.
but somehow that castanet of my heart wont be silent, it will always long for its mate, soul-mate, it will always click for it, like old time.. till the time comes they both click together again, for the two colors blend again with the colors of us, rose and blue, & passionate brown..
no matter that will be a year from now or even 10 years.. i gave you my word, and u know i always keep my words. Always. so dont ever forget, and live for that hope, that day, 24 yeras from now. for the two separate become one clicking spanish castanet. under one sky, above one ground. forever and ever.. and.. Ever.
AMEN.

¡¡ Planet Pizza !!

.... That story is one i will never forget, when i was preparing my favorite dish (and the only one i can make that good...lol) "Pizza"!!! mmm very delecious, tasty, fun to make and to eat....
Don't ask why but this time i was making it with all my heart, you know this feeling when you do things with love... this is how i was acting... was preparing it to the people i most love to share that thing with them as some kind of perfect dinner, was singing that love song "truely" and preparing every thing to be just perfect, expecting it to be the best pizza i've ever made... and so it was!!
I brought it out of the oven to smell the best pizza ever... mmmm looks so delecious and so it will taste!! want some?? well, i wanted some too!!!
while i was cutting it into pieces impatiently the pan turned around in some wiered way.. (not around as horiziontal circles...NO as vertical circle!!! soooo next scene was the pizza upside down on the kitchen's floor!!!!!!
Moments of silence,,,,,,,, seemd like forever
Since i started to tell the story and till this pause of silence , and it seems like a some kind of comedy or funny story... But for me it was totally different.
This pause wasn't feeling upset or botherd about that pizza nor my efforts .... it was a moment to see my whole life time in fast flashes...all my dreams and hopes.. everything...
I felt suddenly so helpless infront of some greater powers....
It dosen't matter How far your dreams can go or how far they are dear to you and no matter how attached you are to them... cuz everything can simply go with the wind while you're standing there watching, so helpless and confused...
All we can do is to plan, work on it and hope... the results we're never so certain about!!
And since that pizza event and the word "pizza" for me has a different meaning..
.... Well i better stop acting wise now and return to the funny part of it .. since back then i didn't make any other pizza :(.... "m3a2ada"....lol....
But i promise to try again.. and you're all invited to have some ;)